Join me present day. Once 7:45 hits I'm starting to prepare our toddler overlord that bed time is quickly approaching. This is never met with acceptance, but instead with shock, horror, and tears as she wriggles on the floor. Yes Sidonie - bed time happens EVERY night. Every night. Eventually her fate is accepted. A few minutes pass and we head upstairs with promises of extra books for good behavior as we brush teeth, go potty and get PJ's on. Once the books are read, we've done our family cuddle, and baby massage and extra cuddles from mommy are complete I drag my exhausted butt to our bedroom. Clock it - 8:30 and I'm just steps behind her getting my PJ's on and teeth brushed anticipating the full body relief as my head hits that inviting pillow. This is pretty much the status quo. That is, unless it's mommy's night out.
My ex-husband has our daughter every Thursday night and every other Friday and Saturday night. At first her absence was devastating to me since I had been the only one caring for her every night for the first year and a half of her life as I was a single mommy, but when we moved closer to my ex-husband the schedule changed. I decided that instead of staying at home, moping about missing my little one I would re-introduce myself to "100% Pure Freedom Lareina". I gotta say, she's a pretty 'rockin chick. :) Those nights I'm free to be the old me again, to go and flip through mindless magazines uninterrupted at Barnes & Noble, to meet friends out for dinner and drinks, get a massage, go to a yoga class, or to just see where the night takes me. Divorce and sharing custody have literally no perks, other than not being married to a jerk anymore, and being forced to be away from your child really isn't one of them - but sometimes you just have to change the thought process and make yourself believe it's a perk.
The perk I have translated the situation into, is that when I do 'carpe diem' on my nights away from Sidonie, I'm able to return home feeling rejuvenated, less stressed and like I just treated myself to something special. Spending some time in my old shoes is good for me, and ultimately good for Sidonie. I think it's so easy to lose yourself 365 days a year to being a mommy, since it's a role that never ends. Mommies are always putting kids, husbands, work, extended family - you name it at the top of their priority list leaving themselves at the bottom. That can only translate into exhaustion, frustration and a little bit of resentment.
Most moms liked themselves before they had kids. Don't forget that YOU are still YOU, and have YOU-needs and YOU-wants and that the best thing you can do for your child (and probably your husband too!) is to spend some time away from them and with YOU. Many moms seem to get stuck in the guilt cycle of "I can't leave my child home - they need me 24/7!" or "Oh my husband works so hard I feel guilty leaving him with the kids after a long day" or my favorite "Oh Jimmy doesn't seem to be feeling very good, I should probably just stay home". If your husband can't handle them for one or two evenings a month then he needs to go to daddy camp. I know it's hard to give up some of the control and responsibility when you are a stay at home mom, because essentially your kids are your job. But like any job - you NEED to take some vacation time so you can be a better employee - er..mommy.
So be a good mommy. Leave your kids at home. Make a date with your girlfriends (or with yourself) mark it on the calendar, text/email, and verbally confirm it with your husband so he knows your are taking some YOU time. Leave the mommy guilt at the door (daddy CAN handle it - even if he does it differently than you) and re-introduce yourself to "100% Pure Freedom Woman". YOU will be glad you did (I hear she's a 'rockin chick).
No comments:
Post a Comment